I’m Not a Competitive Person
My whole life I’ve been labeled a competitive person.
Often, people have meant it in a negative way. What they’ve meant is that I want to prove I’m better than other people. In unhealthy periods of my life (such as during high school) this was true. I felt the social pressure to stand out from the crowd and I did want to prove I was better than other people.
But in recent years I’ve reconnected with the original seed that made me fall in love with sports and games and challenges in the first place. the spirit of fun. I love to play!
When I was a kid I would run back and forth on the soccer field chasing the ball for hours, never tiring. My dad called me a wind-up toy with pistons for legs. I loved all sports and I spent the majority of my childhood running, kicking, catching, and throwing.
Originally, it wasn’t because I wanted to prove I was better than my friends. I just wanted to play and have fun!
And there was nothing more fun than going as fast as I could and trying as hard as I could.
In the movie “The Incredibles” Dash can run faster than anyone, but he isn’t allowed to compete. It makes him very sad. He doesn’t want to make anyone feel bad with his power, he just wants to use it, because using it is fun!
Recently, I’ve reconnected with this spirit, the spirit of play. I am genuine about enjoying the game simply to play, but it isn’t as easy as when I was a kid. Often, other people involved in the game have arrived with their own baggage, and they see someone else’s full effort as a drive to dominate. It’s difficult to convince them it’s not, when that’s what they’ve experienced full effort to be in the past.
What I enjoy the most is being able to go 100%. For this reason, I’d rather play against people better than me or be on the underdog team. Even if it means I’ll lose, it’s a lot more fun to try your hardest than it is to have an easy victory.
After all, isn’t the whole point of life to spend yourself in a worthy cause? To try your absolute hardest at something you really care about? To invest every ounce of your life-force in a worthwhile pursuit?
It is to me. And every time I play a game I want to practice that level of intensity and investment.
Something has always bothered me about being labeled “a competitive person” but I haven’t really found the words to explain myself until quite recently. My investment in the game has nothing to do with proving anything to anyone else involved. I’m not trying to prove anything to myself either. I know who I am.
I just want to be in situations where I can fully unleash and go 100% because that is the absolute most fun I ever get to have.
The flow state. The freedom and limitlessness of being fully absorbed in the present moment. That is what I’m chasing when I “compete.” I found it in soccer as a kid, football in high school, and playing punk rock shows in my 20’s. I even found it as a cook, trying to keep up with orders during a lunch rush or pulling off a big catering.
I surely had expectations for each of those endeavors, but at its absolute core, what really drove me to pursue those activities in the first place, was just a feeling. The feeling I get when I am fully invested in what I’m doing. 100% committed and moving fast! I love that feeling. I can’t think about anything else. I have to focus fully on what I’m doing just to keep up. The past and future disappear and there is no moment but the present. I think we all chase that feeling, we just find it in different activities. For me, I love to move fast.
My whole life I’ve been told I’m a competitive person. By my family, friends, teachers, coaches, everyone. But at the core, I don’t think it’s true. Im not a competitive person. I don’t need to win. I just want to have fun and feel alive, and I only get that feeling by going 100%.
My recommendation: if you have a complicated relationship with competition (whether you love it or you hate it) I would recommend reconnecting with the spirit of play that you had as a child. Enjoy the game for the sake of the game. Find people at your same level (or slightly better than you) that you can practice full investment with. It’s fun to care about something!
Detach yourself from the result of winning or losing and just enjoy playing the game. When the teams are equal and everyone is invested, amazing plays happen. Those are the most fun games to watch, and they’re also the most fun games to play.
Finally, carry that sense of investment and passion into your work. Bring that sense of play into how you contribute to the world. Joyfully unleash your full capability! Release comparison with other people or the need for results like you would in a silly game, and just have fun with it!
