Only Reality Matters
Fixing a problem requires that you first acknowledge that there is a problem, and second that it is within your power to fix it. First off, if you refuse to acknowledge that there even is a problem, then there’s definitely no fixing it, because what is there to fix? There’s no problem.
If you acknowledge that there is a problem, but you’re not the problem, then you can’t fix it. How could you fix it? You’re not the problem. This is almost always a lie. You may even believe it. But the reality is, you contributed to the problem’s creation, and the solution is you changing in some way.
The last thing anyone wants to do is change. That’s why finger pointing is so popular. “They” need to change! Then everything would be fine!” The problem with this, especially if both parties in a disagreement are doing it, is that the reality will not change.
Convincing people of something, winning them over to your side of the argument, it doesn’t change reality one bit. You can convince everyone that the divorce is their fault. The reality is still that the relationship will stay broken. You can convince everyone that your boss is crazy for firing you. It doesn’t matter. The reality is still that you don’t have a job.
It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. It doesn’t change reality. You can convince everyone of whatever you want. Reality doesn’t change, and sooner or later people are going to become skeptical of your version of reality. They’re going to start “doing their own research.” They might run into your ex at the grocery store and have a really great conversation with them, and then wonder if maybe your version isn’t as accurate as they had thought. They might run into your boss and hear the story of your departure from their angle. Even if they decide you’re right, it doesn’t matter. Reality doesn’t change. You had something and now it’s gone. Done.
Too many people are concerned with appearance, concerned with perception, and not enough with reality. My favorite leaders throughout history, they changed reality. They didn’t spend their energy trying to convince people that the grass was purple when everyone believed it was green. No. They just went and dyed the grass purple. They changed reality to the point that it undeniably reflected their view. Think Thomas Edison with the light bulb, the Wright Brothers with the airplane, Alexander the Great conquering Persia, or Abraham Lincoln abolishing slavery. Everyone said the grass was green, they didn’t waste energy arguing, they just went and dyed it purple.
The reason these people had a lasting impact on the world, is because they weren’t concerned with perception. They didn’t care about opinions. They cared about changing reality. Once that reality was permanently changed, in the case of light bulbs, or flying, the world’s opinion changed overnight.
“Well of course flying is possible! Everyone knows that, you fool! “
-People who mocked the Wright Brothers the year before.
This doesn’t just apply to inventors and conquerors. In each of our own lives we are constantly given the choice to deal with reality or worry about people’s opinions. We can focus on the literal number in our bank account and work to change that reality. We can focus on changing the literal number that we lift at the gym. Instead, we focus on perception. We buy fancy toys to make it look like we’re rich. We take bathroom selfies flexing and don’t put in any of the work. We’re not interested in actually being rich or actually being strong. We’re interested in everyone thinking we are.
When we have a problem, we blame “them.” We don’t accept responsibility because that would require us to admit we’re at fault. And our pride won’t allow that. So we double down on blame.
Here’s the choice. You have 2 options:
Nothing is your fault. There’s no way you could change your life or fix anything, because it’s not your fault.
Everything is your fault. You can change or fix anything in your life, because it’s all your fault.
Now, to say everything is your fault and you can change anything implies God-like powers, or at the very least some overconfidence. What I really mean with option 2 is that 95% of everything is your fault, and your responsibility. The other 5% falls under “accept things you cannot control.”
How do you know if it’s within your control? There’s an easy test.
If it bothers you, it’s within your control. Change it.
If it doesn’t bother you, then you’ve done everything you can, and you just need to surrender it and let it go.
The path to peace requires that you take responsibility for everything that is in your control. If you don’t, it will haunt you. If you choose to blame, when you’re the problem, you’ll regret it. If you choose arrogance and self-righteousness, when you know you messed up, your life and relationships will suffer. And you might not even know it. People will simply avoid working with you and being around you.
Why will they avoid you? Because when they are around you, they get blamed for your mistakes. No thanks. Goodbye.
Is it fixed?
Did it get done?
Is it growing?
These are reality questions. They deal with the undeniable state of reality. Appearance questions center around what other people are thinking.
Do they think it’s my fault?
Do I look good?
What if they find out about it?
Seriously. It doesn’t matter. Just fix it and move on. Focus on reality and make yours a good one. The path to happiness and peace requires radical self-responsibility. Almost everything that happens is my responsibility AND my fault when it goes wrong. I’m glad it’s my fault. I’ll gladly acknowledge that. Because then I can fix it. I don’t care if someone makes fun of me for screwing up. At least I can set it straight. Let the opinions be whatever. Who cares? Only reality matters.
